Random thoughts.
I recently read a note on a friend from high school's Facebook that had a list of 25 things about herself. All had a minor explanation with it. As for me, I am sure that my minor accomplishments of this life do not amount to much out side my immediate circle of influence. I am not influential beyond that of my immediate family. That is I influence my wife, (for good and more often bad) I influence my children, and their friends with whom I come in contact. The second ring out would be the family I grew up in. This is rather limited, and quite often I feel the outsider that one must tolerate me, rather than accept me. In case and point, my youngest brother and his spouse for some reason beyond my reasoning continues to belittle those whom they find less than desirable, and even plots to cause rifts between spouses. They fling insults and dirty looks at everyone else. It's to the point where I will not participate with them, ever. Most people don't like doing things with the family, I loath it. (at least with those two.)
The next tier out side the center ring would be work. I have some influence with my boss and supervisor. This influence is somewhat limited, as I have no authority to make sweeping decisions beyond that of my particular division. I am not bothered by this fact. I simply recognize my limited scope of influence. The next ring out, is simply out of my realm of any kind of influence. I mean I have written letters to my two senators, (yes I know whom they are) and my one representative. I have called their offices, all to no avail. I am simply one person, whom has been totally cut off from any resource to our benevolent government. I feel our government has betrayed the American people.
For the conservative, there has been no leader elected in Washington DC since Newt Gingrich. but that's a rant for another day.
Next random thought...
For the last 12-15 months, I have felt a looming cloud. It's been creeping near for sometime, and the storm is about to break out. This storm feel like a storm I have never seen in my lifetime. It is a dark and brooding could, with threatening waves of weather that pierces to the very soul. It grows like a cancer, dark, silent and unexpectedly. This penetrates to parts of me, leaving little happiness, life, ambition and determination. I have struggled to peruse my dream, at least my current dream. It's not a small dream, but an ambitious one, that calls for great effort. It would require faith such I have never exercised before, and a total commitment of will to accomplish that which I desire. Most of the time, I am oft more than tired, exhausted, without the will to continue. I now drag myself to work, when once I relished every moment I was there. What's perhaps is worse, is even though I noticed this change, I am not sure I care. I simply shrug it off with a mental "eh". The cold that has been more biting and bitter than in recent memory, drains me of hope. It sucks the very life from me, and condemns my soul. A bleak and cold world awaits me outside my door.
With this grand assessment of my self indulgence into a pitting state, I asses the world, and think of my children. Thanks to the greed of those in power, pursuing more power, my children, grand children and great grand children are enslaved to a debt that may never be paid. Their freedoms are being stripped in the name of the greater good. Their opportunity for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is being stolen from those currently in power. Add to that the current world situation: A war in Israel, a new "Cold War" between Europe and Russia over oil, Al Quaida - whom wishes nothing more than the total destruction of the west and all to practice their version of Islam, political fighting over Global warming, when all data shows a global cooling since 1997, and now possibly the worst economic time since the birth of America, as the seeds sown by F.D.R. and cultivated and weeded by Carter, Bush 41, Clinton and Bush 43 are now being reaped for the benefit of those in Washington D.C. If there were a perfect cliche I would use it here. However, as tired as I constantly feel, there is not one that I can think of. I take this grand assessment, and realize that I am totally powerless to do ANYTHING about it. I am not accustomed to doing nothing. It's very frustrating to do nothing even with the knowledge that I can not do anything about any of it. I have my circle of influence, and it seems more than likely that one more ring will be out of my circle of influence (employment). It's not a pretty thought, but it's been been with me for some time, and continues to grow stronger with each passing minute. I am not at the end of my rope, but I think it's getting close.
The real question is what do I do? The easiest thing, is do what everyone expects me to do. Go with the flow, be normal. I have never been accused of being normal, ever. It's just not me. I don't have the resources to pursue my dream, and I don't have the power to greatly change my circumstance. So what's a guy to do? When you think of something, you will be sure to let me know, won't you?
Thanks,
KH
