For the relatively few of you that actually take the time to read my little unimportant blog, I have yet something else. In essence, my mind is a scatter. I have focused like a laser on a personal project for the last year and a half. Today was the first step in achieving that particular goal. Because of all the buildup emotion and hard work came to a relative head today, the emotional release and required satisfaction was somewhat lacking. Thus I find myself lacking in that focus. Perhaps I need to step back a little and take a breather. What I really need to do, is make a to do list and then prioritize it. In all actuality, there is so much to do, that is seems overwhelming. However, just like eating the cliched elephant, I just have to take it one bite at a time. It's just a little hard with my A.D.D. personality.
Speaking of A.D.D. - Tomorrow is tax day. It is also the collective Tea Party day. I don't know that I will be attending one. I thought I might, however, it comes at a bad time of day, and I live rather a far distance from it. Also, while others push forward in the effort to make our employees (i.e. politicians) listen to us, this is just the line drawn in the sand. All I personally want, is a true return to the Constitution of the United States of America, not some interpretive narrative limp wristed or bastardization of it. To those thieves on Capitol Hill and at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., would you kindly leave us the hell alone. Stop spending, stop taxing, stop, STOP, STOP!!!! My kids, grandchildren and great grandchildren can never repay the crushing debt that we are accumulating now. I have called my Senators and Representative. I have emailed them. The ONLY response is a letter from my Rep. that basically states, "F-U, you don't know enough to question me". I dare say that my I.Q. is at least twice his, but that's not saying much if my estimated I.Q. of him is about 40.
Finally, Facebook. I don't know if I like it all that much anymore. I recently had someone look me up. This presented a problem. This particular gal broke my heart, but then, she never really knew how I felt about her. I was such a coward then, and never knew what courage it took to pursue the happiness of female companionship (and I am not talking sex). At the end of my senior year of high school, I finally gathered the courage to ask her to Grad Night at Disneyland. She accepted. What I didn't expect, was that halfway though the evening, I was abandoned when she found her boyfriend there. Crushed, I cruised Disneyland the rest of that evening alone or the "odd man out". I was miserable. What made it worse, is that including this trip to Grad Night, I had a total of three dates in High School. First was Home Coming at a new school as a Junior. Second was the one gal I waned to be with most, taking her to Phantom of the Opera, (Senior Year) only to never hear from her again. My dating average was a perfect 0 for 3. Going into college I had absolutely no confidence in having any kind of relationship with the opposite sex whatsoever. What I didn't realize at the time, was that was preparatory for the really big ditch of my x-wife when she left me on our first year wedding anniversary. The shock of abandonment wasn't nearly as devastating as it could have been because of being left alone and very lonely in Disneyland. Ironically, I haven't though about any of this for years, until yesterday, when she got a hold of me on Facebook. I also reflected that I was a rather great nobody in High School. I had, but few friends. This translated to college as well. However the few friends that I have, seem to make it a life time of friendship. It still strikes me as rather odd, that after years of believing that I had almost no impact on anyone's life, that many would let me know that over time, I had in some measure influenced for good or evil others. I think that these two events are the root of my total paranoia of being abandoned by my (current) wife. I know it's totally silly. I mean we have been married nearly 14 years. If she were leave me for any one of my plethora of faults, it would have happened by now.
Well I ranted enough for now, and it's bed time. The real shame of it all is I know I am the ONLY ONE that will read this in a few weeks time and think, "What exactly in thee hell were you thinking?" I am realy good at kicking myself around for a good long time.
KH
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