Odd things keep happening....

While I sit and worry of potential disasters that are to hit our country, there are side trips off that path which I have chosen for my life. God has this interesting knack of correcting my course, when I so choose to leave his course. These deviations from his course are not without consequence. In fact most often, in my experience, the consequences of being off of his path are forever life altering, and life long lasting.

I chose some years ago to marry a young woman, whom I love passionately, and whom I thought reciprocated that love back. I was tragically wrong on nearly all counts. This disaster, while minor in the long term, but devastating at the time, has had lasting impact on me. At the time of our divorce, she swore in an affidavit that we had no children, nor were expecting children between us. Five months later, a dear friend called to announce the birth of my daughter. This has haunted me since, though not in the way one might think.

All my life has been dedicated to first my God, then my Wife, and then my Kids. Everything else pales in comparison. Indeed, I have been fired for choosing family over work. I made that choice, and have never regretted it at all. For me, family is the greatest institution endorsed and sanctioned by God. That literally means that the Family is a sacred unit. I as the man, am responsible for that unit. Through this perspective I view all the world. Therefore it has always pained me that I have never seen my daughter, other than a single polorid about three months after her birth. Because of the nature of the breakup between my Z-wife and myself, I was cause to believe that I was not the father and sued for a paternity test. The result was 97.8% positive. It actually broke my heart, and my anger and bitterness to my X-wife and women in general deepened.

Over the years, I have researched my X-wife, daughter, and her daughter, that I was to someday adopt. I found my X-wife, and today I found her oldest daughter online. I have very mixed feelings. Do I start a dialog that hasn't occurred in over 15 years? Do I leave sleeping dogs lie? My nature is to stir up that hornets nest, and watch the ensuing chaos. I suppose that the best thing to do is ponder and pray, and perhaps someday, God willing, I will have a relationship with my daughter that is unclouded by the years of my X's indoctrination of the person she perceived me to be.